The girls gathered around the bride on the bed, chattering excitedly to one another. The wedding was the next day but they were too excited to sleep. Gyana was happy for the bride even though the whole situation was a difficult one for her. Barely a month ago, she had been left at the altar by her ex-fiance. He realized at the final moment that he was gay and couldn’t ‘live a lie’. She had tried to work past it and now, she knew that she was doing better than she had been doing a month ago. Everyone in the group realized that she was in a difficult spot so they eased up on her, often throwing pitying glances towards her. She shrugged them off focusing instead on the bride. Suddenly out of the blues, one of the nosy bridesmaids addressed her; ‘Gyana darling. This must really be difficult for you. But don’t worry, don’t let your bitterness spoil the happy occasion. You might find someone tomorrow, who knows’ she finished off with a flourish. Silence reigned afterwards. An ant sneezing could have been heard.
Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? One where a speaker just speaks like the words are hot coals on their lips. They just drop whatever their brains excrete without thinking of the consequences of their actions. Amazingly, a lot of people have this problem. They don’t have a gauge to stop them when they start talking. For the more sympathetic ones, they realize when they have over-stepped the verbal line and step up to apologizing for their tactlessbehavior. The other clueless less emotional ones trudge on, oblivious to hurt emotions, bruised egos and the like. They hide under the guise of being ‘blunt’ and are often too clueless to apologize for their shameful behavior People like this often find that they are being avoided and then starts the strained silences or downright ignoring of former friends.
As a child, I was very shy. To hide my shyness, I used to show myself. I would invite myself into discussions that I wasn’t invited to till one day in front of a visitor, my mom calmly told me to ‘Shut up’. That hurt, considering the fact that the visitor was an aunty that I really liked. After she left, I gave my mom an attitude, hoping she would call me and pet me like she always did. Alas, I was in for a surprise. I learnt a valuable lesson that day and ever since, I have been very cautious with my words.
What am I trying to say? The deal is that no matter how you try to rationalize it, words hurt. Especially when they are carelessly thrown. Many things we tell people are statements we wouldn’t like to hear, regardless of how well-meaning our intentions are. So ask yourself today if there is a ‘former’ friend you are no longer speaking to. Find out what caused you to drift and more often that not, it’s the words that were thought of as inconsequential that damaged such a relationship. Insert a mental gauge so that you would not hurt someone intentionally. Speak to someone who said something to you that you don’t like. They probably are not aware of what their words have done. Communicate with such a person especially if he/she is a good friend; you’ll be glad that you did.
NB: if the person is a tactless person…..
.feel free to hit verbally with the same ferocity. they should have a dose of their own medicine too 🙂. Er……*looking for strikethrough button furiously*
Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.