Despair!

Disclaimer; if you are expecting a story, please turn back now. Today isn’t one of those days!!!

Where do I start from?
I’ve had few experiences in my life time that have given me this cold cold feeling. I’m thankful that they are not more but one thing I always feel afterwards is immense disappointment. Like how didn’t I see this coming?!
I always wonder when I hear stories of people who are now late. How did they feel a few hours before their deaths? Did they know they were going to die? How did they feel at the point before they crossed over? All these random questions fly through in my head while my expression is schooled not to show my confusion.
I’m thinking that this morning, I had no idea that this was how my day was going to turn out. I had my day planned from my picture edits to my post. And now I wish for the calm and serenity I had in the morning.
In final year at the university, something happened that pretty much derailed me. The effects, tho not life shattering was enough to get me back on track. And today I find myself in a similar situation and all I can feel right now is terrible terrible disappointment in myself. How and why are silly questions to ask but I’ll ask them anyways…..for want of a better word to explain the thoughts in my head. I hope to recover from this but the truth is that short of God, I’m pretty much helpless. All I can do at this point is pray……..

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