This Thing Called Love

The previous weekend was an eye opener for me on a whole new level. My encounter with the nurses is no longer news (though I’m now friends with nurse 2 sha……don’t ask). The other experience had to do with love: what we think it is as opposed to what it really is. Lemme explain further.

The sentence ‘ your father is not romantic‘ is one that I have heard often. This is often followed by a gooey grin on the face of the person saying this which is my mum, as you have so smartly surmised. She has notions of romance which frankly, my dad doesn’t subscribe to. He doesn’t reply to ‘I love you‘ at the end of a phone call, he grunts in approval. He doesn’t scoop her in the air and throw a kiss at her at random times. No, he doesn’t; he is as practical as they come. Whenever she chants her ‘not romantic’ sentence, he looks at me and smiles, saying ‘ but she knows now’. This past weekend saw my mum unavailable as she had to go for an appendix operation. In this one weekend, my dad was at the hospital all through, even insisting on being in the operating room with her. One story he said sometime this weekend that really got me thinking went thus: in his words, “my friend, staying at home alone without light isn’t funny o. I listened to music, walked around the house, tried to watch a movie on my laptop, tried to sleep all to no avail. I even cooked this delicious meal (launch into vivid description of meal) but after preparing it, I couldn’t eat. I knew if you (my mum) were there, we would have struggled over who would have eaten the bigger share. So I took my car keys and here I am.” I smiled at this as they shared a brief kiss.

You see, people have expectations of what love is, how it should feel and how it should be shown. These expectations more often than not keep us from seeing what is truly out there; the possibilities that be. Once I had expectations: filled with a tall dark and handsome lad who would woe me with roses,fill my stomach with butterflies, take me through experiences filled with grandeur and the heady feeling of romance. Note at this point that my wish list was full of unrealistic, purely physical and material things. Looking at my folks and other relationships around me, I realize that there is a lot more to this feeling than what I had on my list. My days might not be filled spa treatments, daily international trips or shopping sprees but substance surpasses all of this.

Allow me to digress a little: Another mistake that is so popular is the feeling that being single is the end of your life. Well, it isn’t. That there, is the opportunity for you to discover (or rediscover) who you are without the shadow of anyone hanging over you. I’m not just saying all of this, I was here at one point in my life too. This would give you a chance to re-evaluate, critically acess where you are now as opposed to where you want to be.

Ehen, where did I stop before?! This love thing abi? So, I don’t know exactly what it is but I’ve learnt to stop being envious of the spa treatments, the trips overseas (insert davido’s overseas track here) and all other material things. Not that they are bad o, but they shouldn’t be a yardstick for measuring which couple are so in love or which relationship is perfect. One thing to always look for is substance. I’ll take that anyday….

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. Eros Papi says:

    I’m not sure what to put down but the “love” topic is always controversial! So many people have the wrong definition of what love should be in their heads. I quite agree with you on this one anyway. No need to start a mini-blog here.

  2. 0latoxic says:

    I love that little note. Says so much and is a rather interesting (and true) perspective to look at it all from…

  3. otibho says:

    Hmmmmmm i cant stop smiling, and I LOVE IT…….

  4. Do not steal my notion of ‘butterflies in the stomach’ away from me. I want to at least hang on to only that one feeling!

    1. Intoxyka says:

      I totally agree with you, Seyi. However, you might not feel the butterflies at first, I know I didn’t. But today I have a constant overdose of butterflies and a permanently stupid grin etched on my face. I could have easily lost that if I had held on to my other notions. So yes, no one should steal your butterflies but don’t toss the caterpillars that would one day blossom to those butterflies.

  5. SuzieQ says:

    Funny you mentioned stupid grin cause i’ve always known you with that grin *rolls eyes*… guess that means you’ve always been in love with me(3-|)….
    Buh really, i totally agree with you, hence the reason i say i don’t believe in “love”

    1. Intoxyka says:

      Yours, Zat is a special case. For the record, I believe in love. I just don’t agree to the way society has chosen to define it. I think that suck expectations have robbed people of the opportunity of being with people they should be with. You love me don’t you? and I don’t give you allowances or fly you abroad (yet)??? ;p

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